HERE ARE THE CATEGORIES:
STAR POWER | SCARE FACTOR | SEXY SCENES | GORY VIOLENCE | MY RATING
The categories were chosen in a very deliberate manner because it is in our opinion that people watch these type of movies for certain entertainment value portrayed in our article. There even could be a scenario where we prefer a movie, but it could lose because the lack of overall entertainment value, besides is there really a preference for these types of moves? We also have a BIZARRE BOUNUS POINT for any movie that walks a little on the crazy side.
HOW CAMPY
I know it has been a long while since our last article, but Chris Kelly’s time has been very limited due to work and family responsibilities. Help me congratulate CK for his new addition to the family! Since CK has a lot more responsibilities, we will bring new articles when we can, hopefully it won’t take as long as last time. This time we got the classic “Sleepaway Camp vs. the not so classic “Cheerleader Camp.” Not only is these movies about camp but I can’t think of any other movies that would make you say “How Campy?” Who will reign supreme?
"SLEEPAWAY CAMP" VS "CHEERLEADER CAMP"
SLEEPAWAY CAMP
STAR POWER
DK - 1.0
CK - 0.5
DK: This movie stars Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten, and Karen Fields. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen more recognizable faces in a midget circus performance than I did in this movie. Don’t get me started on the acting, these actors couldn’t even muster a Shia La Beouf caliber of a performance.
CK: Sleepaway Camp has many exciting features to offer, unfortunately, casting is not one of them. Very shitty selection of actors/actresses, but they somehow make it work. Some of the characters are actually quite creepy….You’ll know what I mean when you get there.
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SCARE FACTOR
DK - 3.0
CK - 2.5
DK: This will get the highest score from me because of what happened at end. It was one of the single most creepiest endings ever to a horror movie. If you haven’t seen this movie, I won’t spoil it for you, but it involves a twig, a couple of berries, and one of the biggest bushes you’ve ever seen.
CK: Honestly besides the last 30 seconds of the movie, the scares were about as lame as DK’s sexual history. The ending sequence carries the rest of the scenes, and really is quite disturbing. Some sickos like DK probably found themselves a little aroused looking at that tight, young, naked, teenage body….until…..PENIS TIME!!!
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SEXY SCENES
DK - 1.0
CK - 1.5
DK: How can an 80’s horror movie that involves a teenage chick showering not showing any tits? At least throw me an ass shot for fuck sakes. I always get excited when we review 80’s Slashers because nudity is almost a foregone conclusion, but I feel like that this flick blue balled me to the tenth degree. A hottie named Meg was lathering up alone in the shower and when you think the scene will get good…..BAM!....it kills your hopes and dreams.
CK: There is probably some potential talent in this one, but they are just a little too young. Although, I would guess most of the young actresses are probably still working in a different type of film, with titles such as “Fluffer,” and “Stunt Vagina.”
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GORY VIOLENCE
DK - 2.5
CK - 2.5
DK: This really didn’t have much in the Blood and Guts category. The best scene involved a severed head and a cook burnt beyond recognition. This movie was definitely low budget and very small scale just like CK’s penis.
CK: The gore has that 80’s vibe to it that I love so much. The scene that involves the pedophile cook getting his face melted off was pretty cool. Once second he is trying to tap some tween ass, the next second he is lying on the floor with facial skin in his hands. Most of the other gore scenes were a little lacking, or just cut short.
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MY RATING
DK - 3.5
CK - 2.0
DK: Although I gave this movie low scores in almost every category, I’ll rate it higher here because I believe this is a must see for any Slasher/Horror fan if not just for the ending alone. It is a standard Slasher through 2/3rds of the movie, but the ending is better than even most of the current horror movies. It will definitely shock you and creep you out, for that I give this a 3.5.
CK: There is no way I can rate this any higher than a 2, and that is being pretty generous. This was definitely a lower budget film, but has some pretty fucked up characters in it. As I mentioned, the final 30 seconds are enough to give you that “WAT DA FUK” feeling, it really is very weird.
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CHEERLEADER CAMP
STAR POWER
DK - 2.5
CK - 2.5
DK: Betsy Russell, Teri Weigel, and wait for it……the undeniable Leif Garret star in this 80’s Slasher that will have you gauging out your eyes balls just so you don’t have to watch Leif emote anything that would be considered acting. Leif’s acting was so bad in this flick I thought his character had “special needs” at first. I “special need” to get this shit off my T.V.
CK: Leif Garrett ladies and gentlemen, need I say more? Well yes, this movie also stars Betsy Russell, and Teri Weigel who is recently more famous acting as herself in hundreds of XXX hardcore videos. This movie may surprise you with multiple hotties and multiple money shots.
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SCARE FACTOR
DK - 1.0
CK - 1.0
DK: I’m not sure, but I believe this movie was trying to be a comedy/horror movie, but funny is not scary and the only thing I found funny was Leif’s perm mullet. Wow, that brings me back to an era when Transvestites with tight spandex and poodle hair were considered rock stars. Man those were the good ol’ days, but if all you want is to reflect on the 80’s, re-watch “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”
CK: This is soooo cheesy it makes it very difficult to get drawn into the plot. Most of the scares happen off camera, and the ones you do see, are pretty fucking lame. O well, its cheerleaders at camp!!
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SEXY SCENES
DK - 4.0
CK - 3.0
DK: Boobies are the name of the game in this flick. Sleepaway Camp was such a disappointment for an 80’s Slasher film, but Cheerleader Camp delivers the tit. It stars a former porn star Teri Weigel, so going in I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed. Look for a blonde whose natural breasts are as big as my head. Now that would be a motor-boatin’ experience I wouldn’t want to miss.
CK: As you all know I love 80’s horrors, and the only thing I love more are 80’s nudity scenes. This one is packed full of gratuitous tit shots, and one really kinky intercourse scene that does not involve a “pull out.” Enjoy my friends!
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GORY VIOLENCE
DK - 1.5
CK - 1.0
DK: The gore in this flick was very tame, but there was this one scene where Teri Weigel got a mouthful of Garden Shears. I haven’t seen her take that big of mouthful since her XXX film “Some Like it Black.”
CK: Again, this one really doesn’t contain a lot of scares and goriness. I think I was most frightened when I saw the amount of body hair included in the sex scene. This was definitely a “let down” category.
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MY RATING
DK - 1.5
CK - 1.5
DK: Don’t waste your time with this piece of turd. “Cheerleader Camp” wants to be funny and scary at the same time and fails on both accounts. This movie moves at a snails pace and the killings don’t really come until toward the end, you have to sit through crap until you get to the lame horror aspects. There is a lot of nudity, but if that is all you want from your movies just go rent one of Teri Weigel’s movies. Skip this movie.
CK: Overall as a horror movie, this was pretty bad. Even the frequent nudie scenes and dirty sex sequence could not save it for me. I had high hopes when I saw Leif Garrett was starring, I mean who wouldn’t right?? But he ends up getting killed, and never even had the chance to bone anyone. Very disappointing.
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| THE DOUBLE FEATURE WINNER IS... |
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| POINTS: 20 |
POINTS: 19.5 |
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FINAL THOUGHTS
DK: Wow, what a close match! I definitely give this round to Sleepaway Camp. I believe Slasher fans should definitely check out this film. It may be not much until the payoff, but the payoff definitely delivers. I would avoid Cheerleader Camp at all costs. If you’re drunk and looking for a movie to make fun of then this movie might be for you, but for the rest, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
CK: Being the outdoorsman that I am, I came into this matchup with the thought of endless possibilities. But, after watching these two steaming piles of shit, I was so, so wrong. Neither film had great scares, neither had great gore. Although Cheerleader Camp was full of awesome T&A, if I had to chose one to watch I would pick Sleep Away Camp. I’m telling you the ending scene is very fucked up.
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We would love to hear from you guys and tell us that we either hit the nail on the head or that we are complete morons, in which I anticipate it would probably be the latter.
Staff: Donald Kent | Chris Kelly
